me: [fuck this, I can do so much better than this ashy ass bitch. what am I supposed to do with some lil dick for the rest of my life anyways??? let me call his best friend MATTER OF FACT LET ME CALL HIS BROTHER. he’s not even that cute for me to be stressing over him. only reason I dated him is cause my girl told me to give his lil ugly ass a chance I'm over it tho, next! ha ha!]
my bf: my bad I had to pee.
me: I thought you did! wassup babe 😍😛
Cuddle weather? Fuck that. It’s hickey season. You can hide anything behind a large scarf.
Doctor: (under his breath) what a loser
Pressed flower clear phone cases from Flower Cases on Etsy
does anyone else think about death like lately i’ve been so curious as to what happens after we die i’m not religious but it seems like there has to be something after this and this can’t just be it
“We met at a party fifty years ago. He’d just drank a yard of ale when I met him. Do you have that expression here— ‘yard of ale?’ It’s when you pour a pint of ale down a tube, straight into your throat. Anyway, he was feeling quite good. He called me ‘funny face’ that night. And he’s called me ‘funny face’ ever since. We stayed at the party so late that we missed the last bus, and on the walk home we planned our honeymoon.”
when ur auntie gives you the new schoolboy a record for ur 12th birthday